Patience

I'm not really a very social person. I struggle to be a good friend because I would rather spend all my time with my family. I think its a result of being so alone for so long. When I left Weber State University, I left friends I had quickly grown to cherish. People I spent every day and every night with. College was hard for me because it was truly the first time I was allowing myself to be me. I would stay up way too late, or all night. I couldn't grasp the subjects I was studying. I couldn't keep myself awake in class even when I did go to bed at a reasonable hour. I could not get math to stick. I still can't get math to stick. I had my heart broken. I had a moment where I felt betrayed by my family. It was discouraging. I left after one semester. When I returned home I vowed to get a job and get in gear and get my future figured out. I applied for every job I could to no avail.  No where would give me a chance. My parents started paying me ridiculous amounts to do errands for them. I drove my brother back and forth to his wound clinic appointments for months. Finally my wonderful friend Jolene, saw I was struggling and gave me the opportunity to do some work around her house. I cleared her yard of weeds, I installed blinds, I painted, I pulled plants out she was allergic to, I hunted spiders. The day I finished and had recruited my family to help haul the debris to the mulch yard, we stopped for lunch at a new restaurant in town. My Dad told me to fill out an application. He knew the owners. They gave me an interview. I unknowingly showed up an hour early. I suppose that gave them a good impression and they hired me. I worked there for about a year. It was a wonderful experience but it was time for me to move on. My very last day there was also my first day at Walmart. I am quickly coming up on my eight year anniversary with Walmart. The first few years I told myself every holiday season that I would not be spending the next Thanksgiving there. I was going to move on. I then tried school again. It wasn't easy with my work schedule to balance school and work. It still won't be easy to balance, but I'm different now. I am more devoted to finding who I want to be. Then I was just existing in my every day life. I had no one counting on me except for me. I've always hated running in to people I once knew at work, because this was not who I wanted to be. I wanted to be the person making changes in our world. I wanted to be someone important. Now I'm much happier being important to someone. I'm still struggling to find inspiration as to what to study, and what career path I want to go down. All I know is that I want to be able to give someone the hope that my friend Jolene gave me. I was spiraling when she reached out to me.

I have realized now how many relationships I have lost because I was so involved in surviving. I'm ready now to be a better friend, a better companion, a better sibling. I probably will still cherish my family time over my time with friends, but I'm ready to give those relationships another shot.
Maybe the people I want to see this never will, but I'm going to say it anyways.
Hey! I care about you and I will always want to be your friend no matter what. Don't forget that I'll be here for you when you need me!
Here we are just another day on the journey. Sooner or later I'll find that inspiration and be where I want to be, but for now I'll just be patient and do the every day work to keep on that goal.