Press on

I don’t want to keep writing about the horrors that is 2020, but unfortunately not much else is happening. I’ve been hit with struggles I never could have foreseen. I’m doing my absolute best to continue to press on despite the struggles. I have a friend that was once told to expect the unexpected, the unexpected in her life was something no one should ever have to expect. I was angry for her when she told me, I’m still angry for her now. However I’m currently living through a similar situation. How do you prepare financially for something you can’t predict? I’m angry that I wasn’t more prepared.  

I’ll be honest, I live in fear every day. Every day I fear some stupid decision I make will cost me my job. I fear, because I have something to lose. I love my job and I love the people. I also do everything I can to stay in the good graces of the people that matter. Any day that I don’t go above and beyond, I feel guilty for only getting the necessities done. Having worked overnight for so long, leaving a mess for the next shift to clean up is my worst nightmare, sometimes its unavoidable, most of the time its not. If I can hold myself accountable for the outcomes I create, I can hold myself accountable for anything. 

I’ll continue to press on, make every decision with a level head. Unfortunately I’ll continue to live in fear, but that fear makes me better. It makes me be a better employee, a better supervisor, a better decision maker. 

So while I’m afraid, I’m not too afraid to continue. I will overcome these obstacles, I will ask for help when I need it. I will communicate my weaknesses. I will be better because of all that is happening. 

Just a quick one today. It’s hard to keep on writing when life remains stagnant.