Forgiving. Forgetting. Moving On.

To know me is to know that I have always been the kind of person that could not forget the things that were done and said to me. Even if its not specifics, I have never forgotten the way I felt when they did happen. It has made every day interactions difficult; especially when I see someone from my past. Not long ago in my graduating class' Facebook group, a photo of my 5th grade class surfaced. While it was nice to see the friendships that maintained through the years, it brought back a number of difficult memories. Memories that shouldn't be difficult. My first crush, the ridiculous moments my friends and I fought over, the times that teachers decided they needed to get involved. While I don't call many of those friends from way back then friends still. Its still hard to let go of past hurts. The photo did however bring back cherished memories of the people I do still call friends. I am grateful for them. I'm not sure if its a personality trait of mine to hold on to things, it probably is. Moving forward in life I have to "let go and let God" as they say. I'm honestly trying to be better about the grudges I've held. I'm trying to forget the embarrassing moments. I'm trying to be a better version of myself. While moving on from the past and washing away the pains from then. I need to remember to hold on the important moments and the important people.  I have spent far too much time and energy being bitter towards the people that hurt me. Energy that would have been better spent enriching relationships that were important. Letting toxic people and toxic environments convince me that the important people were just using me. When in reality it was the other way around. I have a few friendships that will never be the same because of the decisions I made, and I regret that. So, the point of all of this is... Forget the unimportant. Remember and build up the important. Forgive yourself and others of past wrong doings. Move on and move forward with those that you choose to keep in your life. In the LGBTQ+ community we are big on creating a chosen family when your given family gives up on you. I have been lucky enough that my given family has never given up on me. So many others are not that lucky. We all get to choose who we keep in our lives. Cut ties with the toxic people in your life. If you can't cut ties, minimize the power they hold over you. I can't say it will be easy, but it will be worth it. Reach out to the people you have wronged, apologize. If they are not willing to receive your apology, move on. They aren't in the same place as you. Everyone moves in their own time. This is my next step in my journey. If you're ready please feel free to join me in moving on.