For years I have labeled myself as Just LuEllen. It’s been a while since I decided I was so much more than just LuEllen. Yet here I am again wondering am I really more than that? I don’t know. I do know that I’m filled with self doubt. I don’t start things because I don’t want to fail. I have yet to take my life into my own hands and make what I want out of it. I’m lost in indecision. My key phrase has always been “I don’t know”. So I wonder, do I really not know or do I just not want to give my input? What makes me unique? What makes me stand out from the crowd? I have absolutely no idea. I hate when you’re meeting with a group of new people and the leader suggests that we tell the group three interesting things about ourselves. What do I say when I don’t even find myself interesting? I feel defeated. I thought that maybe if I wrote out my goals for the whole world to see I could hold myself accountable. I’m not currently succeeding, but the world is at a stand still right now, so the only progress I can make has to be small steps. Small steps are better than nothing.
I’m currently drowning in self-doubt. I don’t even know where to go from here. I can feel myself getting caught up in my head and not doing what I need to. See that word up there at the top? It’s Latin for I don’t know. I’m going to spend the week in my head trying to figure this mess out. Thanks for sticking with me.
1 comment:
Hi Just LuEllen.
I was literally having a dilemma about how to approach you, but... Just LuEllen, it is, then! Read your most recent post and, my take on it... I believe humans learn new things about themselves as long as they're alive. New information every single day. And I think it's very nice knowing what we like, or don't like.
But it's completely fine to not know as well, just like you said. Hope to see you around, girl! :)
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