Change is tough

I’ve never been very comfortable with change. I need to ease into things and see how things work. I’m not spontaneous. I never have been. Every decision I make is calculated. I like routine and schedules. Recently unexpected changes have happened in my life that  have thrown a wrench in my plans for life. I’ve found myself under stress I never imagined I’d be under. I’ve found myself angry in ways I haven’t been in years. I left my anger behind when I decided to become better and heal my soul. I of course know some anger is healthy, but the anger I’m experiencing isn’t healthy. It’s damaging. I’m not finding the escapes I once had. I’m just moving through the days rather than experiencing each one. Weeks have gone by and it doesn’t even feel like it. I have spent more time alone than I have in years. I’m not even doing anything productive with my life. I’m just watching everything pass by in a blur. I’m lonely and because of safe social distancing practices, there isn’t anything I can do about it. I’ve spent far too much time scrolling Facebook looking at the same thing day after day. I’ve watched too much TV. I’m not even enjoying my audiobooks as much as I normally do. They’ve just become painful. This blog is my one outlet, and I’m even struggling with that. I’m so ready to resume my routines. I’m ready have life return to normal. So maybe when it is safe to resume life as normal maybe I won’t be quite so isolated as I was before. Maybe I’ll be more social. Maybe I’ll be ready and more willing to be spontaneous. This quarantine is taking its tolls and I don’t have it nearly as bad as people in places that are on strict stay home orders. My heart goes out to those of you that are on strict stay home orders, I can’t even imagine what life must be like for you.  I love you all. Stay safe, we’ll all come out of this a little damaged, and hopefully better people because of it.