Why

Words are my outlet. I’m not a doodler, I don’t even scribble.  Lately I’ve been struggling to find the words that properly express what I’m going through or feeling. My earliest memory of writers block is from the first grade. My teacher asked us to write a poem with words that rhyme with our names. Can you imagine as a 6 year old trying to find real words that rhyme with LuEllen? That was tough. I was in tears. I mean I was in tears a lot as a kid but that’s a story for another day. The teacher ended up calling for my Mom from her own classroom to help me. People have always just called me Lu, so I think that’s what we ended up using because it was easier for my 6 year old brain to figure out rhyming words. I have a unique name. Although what we figured out this recently that Donald Duck’s nephew Louie’s full name was Llewellyn, go figure. I’ve always been proud of my name and where it came from. Lue is a family name and I am proud to share it with them. My great grandma was a Lu, and she was an author among many other amazing things. I’ve always been pulled to writing because of her. I even make it a point to rescue her books every time I see them at thrift stores. I’ve been lucky enough to find personalized inscriptions. I even found a newspaper clipping of her obituary. Searching for her books is one of my favorite hobbies. I always enjoyed visiting my Grandma so she could tell me about her Mama. Living without my Grandma in my life has been hard the last few years since she’s been gone. I miss her. I miss hearing her stories, I wish I had taken the time to write them down then.

Creative writing is difficult for me. My elementary school took part in a program that would turn our stories into books. The first year I was allowed to write my own story for my own book I ended up writing about how mean my Brother was. The good news though, now 20 years later my Brother is one of my best friends. Writing stories has always been difficult for me because I usually end up taking inspiration from something else that I’ve read or seen and I feel like I’m ripping off the original rather than coming up with my own ideas.  I know now that a lot of authors find success writing fan fiction and turning those stories into books of their own. So I’ll give it another shot at some point.

I’ve often found success in writing about my own experiences. In my debate days I often took things from my own life to be able to get my point across. I spent a lot of time one year in high school writing about the varying forms of terrorism. The extremes, and the events you wouldn’t normally expect to be considered as terrorism. I’ve always been very proud of that speech and if I can find it, I’ll share it. When I wrote it my teacher urged me to leave my comfort zone and put things in it about myself that I normally wouldn’t share with anyone I didn’t trust. That speech gave me the push I needed to leave my comfort zone and truly be me.

So why do I write? I write because it gives me the opportunity to compose myself before saying something I shouldn’t when I’m angry. I write because it gives me the outlet to express my true feelings when I’m feeling down. I write because it gives me a chance to go back and read what about things I’ve experienced when I’m having trouble remembering.
I wrote recently that I was having trouble finding the inspiration for my weekly post. I’m still experiencing that, so I took to looking at writing prompts. This was one of the suggestions.

 Here’s hoping things start looking up in the world. I know I’m not the only one struggling to find inspiration for many things these days. I hope you all stay safe and healthy.