Pauses

It seems that every week this just gets harder. I can’t help but wonder if I had too high of expectations for this. I live a relatively uneventful life, with current restrictions, that uneventful life has become even more uneventful. They say nothing worth doing is easy. Utah has officially changed the risk level for COVID-19 from high risk to moderate risk. Starting Friday many businesses will begin to reopen. Will life resume as normal? Not likely. I can only hope that this has changed people. That they were forced to re-evaluate just about everything in their lives. 

In late 2019 I had big plans for 2020, I was going to take my life in my hands and do what I needed to do to better myself. I announced those plans, and now 4 very long months in to 2020, not much has changed. I force myself into writing every week and I have begun to dread it. I don’t have new ideas, I haven’t made any progress towards higher education other than looking at online schools and the programs they offer. I’ve looked at brick and mortar schools in my area to see what they could offer me. I’ve gone from wanting to be a high school guidance counselor, to a teacher, to a librarian. I think it remains clear to me that I want to work in education in some way. In what way, I’m still not sure. This year has not become what any of us imagined it would be. I feel for those whose lives have been put on pause. I feel for those that are working themselves to death battling this virus first hand. 

I never wanted this to become the Coronavirus diaries. Who would have thought we’d be where we are today? 

I pray that things will get better soon. Not because I want life to resume, but because the toll this is taking on everyone is dangerous. I want to share happy events with loved ones. I want to be able to celebrate life, I want to be able to honor those we’ve lost in an appropriate manner. I want to see my friends succeed. I want to see those that have been out of work back in their element. I want to have a nice meal in a restaurant  and to leave a really big tip. I want to be safe while doing those things. So yeah, I want to reopen the world, but I don’t want to risk anyone’s safety, because I want everyone right there with me when I can celebrate again. 

I’m putting it into the universe. Next week will be better. Don’t give up on me friends, I’m not giving up on you. We’re stronger together.